Storybrooke Chills
by Eriphabottackson
Summary: A parody of the Season 4 premiere of OUAT! Be prepared for laughs, audience interactions, idiot parents, and a bunch of references to music, movies, TV shows, and more! Outlaw Queen and Captain Swan. For humor purposes only... and to make fun of Elsa and Anna's parents.
1. Not in Kansas Anymore

**As you have read on my profile, _Once Upon A Time _is back on TV... and the characters of _Frozen _are on! So, I hope you enjoy this parody of the premiere I will be updating very soon until it is finished. (if you actually watched the premiere, it will make more sense.) Also, when the 11-episode _Frozen _story arch ends, I will make a funny recap of random jokes I came up with during those episodes.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon A Time or it's characters. They belong to Eddie Kitsis and Adam Horowitz. I also do not own any of the fandoms and songs I reference. Just the jokes and funny parts I made up, because, like Anna, I'm a real goofball sometimes!**

**A Long Time Ago… (in A Galaxy far, far away… Just kidding.)**

It was one of the worst storms ever. Seriously, only Hurricane Sandy ever topped something like this. It was also a horrible time to be at sea… so, of course, you know there was some poor soul out there who scheduled a long earned vacation on a cruise ship, and then the weather decides to be totally uncooperative.

There was a similar yet different case that happened with the king and queen of Arendelle during this awful storm. They had decided that they needed to take a voyage to a top-secret location with top-secret plans and motives. Their daughters, Anna the Warm-Hearted Jumping Bean/Fan girl , and Elsa the Older One Who Won't Leave Her Room Because _Somebody _Told Her To Conceal Her Emotions, were left alone with the thought that in two weeks, their parents would come back with chocolate and foreign animation (a favorite of Anna's), and everything would be rainbows and butterflies again.

Yeah… that is not how it went down at _all. _What happened was the following: below the deck of the royal ship was already flooding with water, but that didn't stop the queen from rushing down there to finish her diary. You know, her will, her final thoughts to her daughters, advice to Elsa because she was going to become queen soon…

"WE ARE ABOUT TO DIE IN A SHIPWRECK AND YOU ARE WRITING IN THAT STUPID THING?!" yelled the king, also appearing below deck.

"Relax!" the queen shouted. "I'm just going to rip out these pages, put them in a bottle, and send them across the ocean!"

"Ain't nobody got time for that!"

"Our children need to know the truth!"

The king sighed. "Alright…" he muttered. He then started to sing "Message In a Bottle" by the Police until his wife yelled at him for distracting her. She finally finished, and the two went back above deck. The queen threw the bottle out into the turbulent waves and embraced her husband, for it was there final moments together. "I love you…" she whispered.

"I love you too…" murmured the king. Then his face lit up in thought. "Wait a minute… my magical hover board! We can use it to escape!"

"Great!" the queen exclaimed. "Where is it?"

The king's face fell. "Oops… I forgot it at home."

"We are going to a land with murderous sorcerers and you forget the magical hover board? You are such a- AAAAUGH!"

An abnormally huge waved crashed over the ship. Everyone died.

* * *

**5 Years Later...**

In a land called Arendelle, two women were holding hands and walking towards their parents' abnormally large graves. They both placed flowers in front of the tombstones and gazed at them sadly. "Anna, they'd be so proud of you..." the older of the two whispered.

"They'd be proud of both of us, Elsa," the younger one corrected with a sad smile. Elsa looked up and returned her sister's smile. She then sighed and took Anna's hand. "Come on," she grinned. "I have a surprise for you."

Anna's eyes lit up. "Ooh! Are you a firebender, too?" she guessed.

"What do I look like; the Avatar?!"

Not getting the sarcasm, Anna examined Elsa thoughtfully. "Well, now that you mentioned it..." she muttered.

Elsa rolled her eyes. "Anyway, that's not the surprise," she told her sister. She smiled. "The surprise is for your wedding."

Anna beamed, eyes bright with excitement.

* * *

**Our World...**

After turning the urn she was somehow trapped in to ice and then breaking it, Elsa was currently walking away like the total BA sorceress she was when she suddenly stopped. She realized she was not in Kansas anymore.

"That joke was _so _last season!" the audience yelled.

"Gosh, can't I make a _Wizard of Oz _reference?!" the narrator exclaimed. "Yeesh; I get NO appreciation!"

"H-hello?" called Elsa in a shaky voice. "Anyone there? Where am I?" _I hope I'm not too far from home, _she thought. "ANNA?! KRISTOFF?! ANYONE?!" she shouted, but her only response were echoes.

Elsa was extremely scared now, and the ice trailing behind her grew thick. "I... I guess I can walk down a little farther," she told herself. "Just to see where I am. Nothing dangerous should be going on in a seemingly deserted town at night..."

As she walked down further, she came to a sign. You'd think it would've reassured her, but it only made her more frightened.

"Storybrooke...?" Elsa read the sign out loud as her ice began to coat it. The theme music for _Once Upon A Time _then played.

* * *

**Granny's Diner****...**

Regina, having just found out her boyfriend's dead wife was back, walked out of the diner, upset and stunned. Emma managed to follow her out. "Regina...?" she asked tentatively, trying to put her hand on her friend's shoulder.

"Not now, Swan," snapped Regina, pulling away.

"Hey, I'm trying to be a nice person and to make up for being stupid! I can't do that if you don't want my help."

"Yeah... you're 'help.'" Regina bit her lip, trying not to cry. "I don't need your 'help.' Because no matter what I do, I'm always the villain."

"Regina, don't make me do it."

The "Evil Queen" (the quotes mean that she's not really an evil queen) was confused. "What?" she asked.

"Stop calling yourself a villain, because you're not anymore. You've changed. Let me put my hand on your shoulder, or I'll start doing it."

"Doing what?" Just then, Robin Hood came outside with Marion and their son. He was trying to explain to his wife that Regina wasn't a bad person anymore, but the audience thought she didn't look too convinced.

"Regina, I want us to talk about this," he said to his "girlfriend." "This is Marion; Marion, this is Regina."

Marion stood shocked. "Wait... are... are you two together?!" she spat out.

"Yep!" Emma and the audience answered.

"SWAN!" Regina yelled.

"Hey, the audience said it, too!"

"Well, we're not supposed to interact with the audience. And how can you even hear them?"

"I AM the savior." About then, Mary Margret and David, along with their new son Neal, exited from the diner. "What's going on?" asked Mary Margret.

"No one's been burned, and no one's dead, so I think we're good here," David commented.

"Regina, are you okay?"

"What is WRONG with you people?!" Marion shouted. "Why are you being nice to her?!"

"Because we're decent human beings," replied David.

Henry and Hook managed to also sneak out of the diner and came to the scene. "Mom, what's going on?" Henry asked his adopted mother.

"I'll tell you what's going on!" interrupted Marion. "You're all crazy! This is the EVIL QUEEN! She's a MONSTER!"

Henry turned to Emma. "Mom, can I borrow your gun?" he asked.

"I think everyone wants to borrow it right now, kid," she replied. "But I'm kind of the sheriff, so..."

During her explanation, Marion had grabbed Rollan and walked away while Regina had stormed off in the opposite direction. "Regina, wait!" Emma yelled, but Hook held her back.

"Alright... YOU MADE ME DO IT!" Emma then started singing "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars at the top of her lungs.

* * *

**On the Road...**

Sleepy was driving Grumpy's car (the audience wondered whose genius idea it was to let Sleepy drive a car.) To be honest, I don't want to go into detail about what happened here. All you need to know is that the audience wanted to murder Aurora for texting Sleepy while he was driving, because he almost ran over Elsa.

After staring at the car that was speeding toward her for five minutes, she finally acted on her reflexes and just froze the car. Seeing her reflection in the car, Elsa began to sing "Reflection" from the movie _Mulan_. The audience face-palmed.


	2. Ain't Nobody Got Time For This!

**So I just realized I spelled "Marian" wrong in the last chapter... sorry guys. But I realized this while reading the info for tonight's episode. It... looks... awesome! XD Will Scarlet is on... if anyone knows who that is, could someone please inform me in a review? I know he's from the spinoff series, but I never wanted to watch it. Also, Hans is making an appearance in this episode, so if you want to see him get punched off of another boat (or even tortured), I can arrange that. :)**

**Anyway, please enjoy Chapter 2!**

Night turned into morning, and Elsa was just entering the town of Storybrooke. The audience wondered if she stopped to sleep in the woods for the night (she probably didn't; Elsa wasn't that kind of girl) or if it was just REALLY late at night, and it took only a little while to get to the town. Nonetheless, the audience's ponderings were cut short when a random dude on a motorcycle whizzed past, about five inches away from the "Snow Queen" (the quotes mean that this is a derogatory term; don't use it if you don't have to.) while "Cruisin' For A Bruisin'" from _Teen Beach Movie _played on his radio.

Frightened, Elsa jumped back. "STOP TRYING TO RUN OVER ELSA!" the audience shouted. Then they thought about the fact that she was walking in the middle of the street. "Well… I guess it's not ENTIRELY their fault…" they muttered.

Because of her fear, ice coated Elsa's hands. Noticing it, she closed her eyes and took deep breaths. The ice didn't exactly go away, but it didn't go out of control like it normally did. "Did she just… conceal and not feel?" the audience whispered to each other. Elsa sighed and opened her eyes, which seemed worried.

"ELSA, YOU WERE PAST THIS!" yelled the audience. "YOU WERE SO, _SO _PAST THIS!"

Ignoring the audience, Elsa spotted something in a store window: a wedding dress. Eyes welling up with tears, she started over toward the window.

* * *

**Arendelle in the Past**

Anna trailed after her sister up the stairs, trying to guess her surprise. "Ooh! Is it a puppy?" she asked. "It's probably a puppy. Heffron Drive tickets? Comic Con tickets? A bootleg of the 3rd Hobbit movie? Oh, a modern high school or college AU fan fiction that's not Elsanna?"

Elsa stopped walking and gagged. "Why, just _why _did you bring that up?" she moaned, and then continued walking.

"I'm just saying, I don't get why people just can't ship you with OCs," Anna explained, putting her hands up in mock surrender. "I don't mind OCs… just as long as they're decent people and the authors don't pull a Bella Swan."

"Swan… why does that last name sound familiar?"

"I don't know. I guess they copied _Pirates of the Caribbean_. You know, Elizabeth Swann?"

"No… that's not it… but anyway, that's not important right now. We're here."

"Ooh! It's a…" Anna's voiced trailed off when she realized where they were. "An attic," she finished, disappointed.

"Yep," Elsa grinned.

"And we're up here because…?"

"Take a look." Elsa walked up to a closet and opened the doors. Inside was a beautiful, white wedding dress. Anna stared, open-mouthed. "Is that…" she began to ask.

"Mother's, yes." answered Elsa.

"How did you find it?"

"I may have promised a guard a raise in salary if his dog could sniff it out."

"Huh. I should've done that when I lost my _Avengers _figurine set…" As she realized her mistake in her youth, (but not wanting to go back in time to change it, because we all know what happened at the end of Season 3.) Anna approached the dress. She felt the soft fabric and smiled. "It's so beautiful…" she whispered. "I don't want to rip it."

"Then you'll have to be extra careful putting it on," Elsa said.

"You... you trust me enough to wear this?"

"Yeah." Anna grinned and hugged Elsa. "Thanks, Ellie!" she grinned.

"Ellie?" asked Elsa, confused.

"You need a perky nickname so that I can both sort of make a _Wicked _reference and so we can give the audience even more feels!"

"Um... whatever you say... and by the way, I think you need something to go with that dress." Elsa waved her hand. Ice swirled around in awesome patterns until it created a snowflake necklace, which she handed to her sister.

"OMG! Thank you!" exclaimed Anna, hugging her sister once more. Once the sisterly moment was over, the strawberry-blonde went behind the white curtain to try on the dress. The two talked about the wedding for a minute before Elsa started going through some drawers, where a book caught her eye. As she started reading, snow began to swirl around her.

"Alright, Ellie... I'm ready!" Anna announced. She burst through the curtain and spread her arms out with a cry of "TA-DAAAA!" Soon, she realized her sister was in distress. "Ellie? What's wrong?" the woman asked, full of concern. "What is that?"

"It's... a diary," Elsa choked out. "It was Mother's."

"Well, what does it say?"

"Our parents... their death..." The older woman's voice broke as she burst into tears. "It's all my fault!" she sobbed, running from the room.

"Elsa?!" Anna called after her sister. "ELSA! WAIT!" Just before she was about to go after her, she realize she'd better change out of the wedding dress. _Who cares?! _her mental voice argued. _Go after your sister!_

_But I don't want to ruin it..._

"OH, AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THIS!" she shouted and, holding the train of her dress, rushed after Elsa.

* * *

**The Storybrooke Cemetery **

Mr. Gold sighed. He knew he'd have to do this, but why did he have to do it right after he got married? Because Belle wanted him to. And he loved Belle. He loved her so much that he just got married to her... what?... 10 hours ago? (lucky guess by the narrator)

So, Mr. Gold, aka Rumplestiltskin, walked up to his son's grave and placed flowers by the tombstone. "I know, I know," he began out loud, talking to Neal as if he could still hear his father. "The audience already had to watch a depressing grave scene with those two women... What's Her Face and What's Her Face's Sister With The Emotional Problems Because Of Her Parents. But this is actually going to have some significance."

"I was going to reminisce with you. You know, stories about your childhood that only I care about. Well, it's not that the audience doesn't care about it; everyone loves our relationship. It's just... nothing concerning What's Her Face's Sister With The Emotional Problems Because Of Her Parents is going on right now, so everyone is probably taking this time to refill their hot cocoa with cinnamon."

"But after that, I was going to show you something." Rumple took out his dagger and held it toward the tombstone. "Belle thinks she has the real dagger," he explained to the grave. "She thinks that she's in control of me. But the only reason I deceived her was so I could avenge your death. And now that I have, I'm going to have to give it back. So.. if you could just give me the strength to give this power up to the woman I love... I'd really appreciate it."

* * *

**The Mayor's Mansion**

There was a knock on the mansion door. Regina got up to open it. It was Robin Hood. "Hey," he greeted awkwardly.

"Hey..." Regina said tentatively.

"I just came here to... well, we need to talk." Regina nodded in understanding and let him sit next to her on The Big Comfy Couch.

Robin sighed and began. "I'm sorry my wife is being such a jerk face," he apologized. "I do not remember her being like that."

"Why are you apologizing?" asked "The Evil Queen" (if you don't understand what the quotes mean, refer to Chapter 1.) "Maybe she was right. Maybe I am a monster."

"No, she was definitely wrong. You're the farthest thing from a monster. Maybe you made bad decisions in the past, but that shouldn't mean you're the same person now. Marion and I must have a serious chat..."

Regina bit her lip. "So... what went on between us..." she started.

"It was real," grinned Robin, which earned a grin from his girlfriend. "My feelings for you were-_are-_real. It's just..."

"Just what?"

Robin shifted uncomfortably on his cushion. "I made a vow when I married her... a vow that said I would lover her until death do us part, which it did! But then it didn't. So..."

"So you've made your choice," Regina snapped. "I see."

"Regina, I-"

"Get out." But as Robin got up to leave, she realized that she might be pushing away the best thing that ever happened to her. So, she called out after him, "You know, in this world there's a thing called a divorce. You can break those marriage vows, and there's no harm done."

Robin turned around. "Seriously?" he asked, stunned.

"Yeah."

"AWESOME! We're getting back together as soon as I buy one of these divorce things!" As he left, Regina grinned. Everyone in Storybrooke had better be prepared for a party.


	3. Operation Polar Bear Begins

**So... last episode... we all wanted to impale Hans on a spear, bite his head off, and throw him into a fiery inferno, right? Good. I'm not crazy, then. And I can't believe the Snow Queen is Elsa's aunt! (explains why I had a dream about Elsa being MY aunt) And Anna did NOT trap Elsa in that urn, and if she did, she was probably tricked into doing it... um... right? Anyway, ignore that rant and enjoy the chapter, as well as tonight's episode.**

**A Random House In Storybrooke**

Belle and Rumple both drove up to a random mansion. "I found this house on a walk," Belle explained. "It's been here since the last curse. No one has claimed it, so…"

"Great idea," said Rumple sarcastically. "Let's break into a random person's house who could just randomly show up and demand his/her house back. Who knows? This person could be dangerous; I don't want anything happening to you."

"Oh, come on, Rumple. I wrote whoever owns the house a note that we'd leave if they showed up."

"So if the person who shows up, we're spending our honeymoon in a secluded corner of the world like I suggested?"

"Yep."

"I knew you'd have a backup plan." They kissed and got out of the car. Belle led the way, obviously eager to show her new husband their honeymoon... um... technically, it wasn't a suite. Hey, it could've been; no one knows who owned this thing!

The new couple entered the house. It was filled with luxury couches, a fancy rug, fancy tables, a bookshelf (Rumple put two and two together and realized this is why his wife wanted to come here.) Belle kept going on and on about the place, and he wasn't really paying attention. Caring about houses and acting like they're the greatest thing in the world was _girl _stuff, right?

"Hey!" all of the girls in the audience exclaimed.

"No offense!" the narrator sincerely apologized. "I'm a girl, and _I _find it boring, too!"

Anyway... while Belle rambled, Rumple did that cool spell that froze the person, and then when they un-froze, it was like it never happened. "If we're going to do this, we're going to do this properly," he said to himself. He grabbed Belle's purse, took the fake dagger out, and stuffed it in his suit. Then, Rumple took out the real dagger and smirked. "You will not control my life anymore!" he yelled at it. "BE GONE, SUCKA!" He stuffed the real dagger into his wife's purse and, laughing the Rumplestiltskin laugh no one can do, un-froze Belle.

Finally, Belle showed Rumple a room they would both appreciate: a ballroom. Seriously, it had one of those things called a record player, probably as old as the Dark One himself, and a chandelier and everything. "I would be wary of the chandelier," warned Rumple. "If Erik shows up-"

"Stop worrying," Belle soothed. "The Phantom of the Opera isn't even from the Enchanted Forrest. So... what do you think?"

"I think Erik _could_ be from the Enchanted Forrest, knowing the producers."

"Hey!" Kitsis and Horowitz exclaimed in anger.

"And I also think that we need to have our first dance." Using his magic, he put himself and Belle in the _Beauty and The Beast_ dancing gear. With a snap, he put on the record player... that played "You Ain't Nothing But A Hound Dog," by Elvis instead of "Tale As Old As Time."

"Let me fix that," Rumple laughed apologetically. He snapped his fingers again, and "Walk Like An Egyptian" by the Bengals played. He snapped again, and "My Heart Will Go On," the theme song from _Titanic, _played. Rumple then started shouting words that had to be bleeped out on television and, grumbling, continued his dance with Belle to the wrong theme music.

* * *

**A Street In Storybrooke**

"Maybe we should've went with Baelfire," David voiced, walking beside his wife, who was wheeling their son in his stroller down the street.

"Oh, you want to play the 'What Should We Have Named Our Kid?' game?" asked Mary Margret defensively. "Leopold-'

"If you want him to get beat up at school."

"James-"

"My jerk-faced twin."

"Gepetto-"

"Really?!"

"Hey, you stole my catch-phrase!" Emma whined. Then she turned to her mother. "But seriously. You were thinking of _Gepetto_?!"

"He _did_ build the wardrobe to help you escape the curse," Mary Margret explained.

"I guess..."

"Hey, Mom!" called Henry, who was a few paces behind them. "Regina just texted me! She said Robin Hood divorced Marian, and she's having a party at her mansion to celebrate!"

"Awesome!" Emma cheered. "But... do you think she forgives me?"

"She's in a good enough mood to throw a party. I'm pretty sure she forgives you."

"Double awesome!"

"What's double awesome?" asked a voice, the person to which it belonged to jogging to catch up with the Charmings. It was Hook.

"Regina's throwing a party, and she most likely forgives me!" exclaimed Emma.

"That does sound fun," Hook admitted. "I guess we know who's bringing the rum."

"You know, things are finally going right for all of us." Everyone smiled and continued to walk down the street. Things finally _were _going right for them...

Until...

"WE'RE IN DANGER!" Leroy shouted, running down towards the family. "WE'RE IN TERRIBLE DANGER!"

"Whoa, slow down," David calmed. "What's wrong?"

"Some thing in the middle of the street last night froze my car! Upon the impact, I fell unconscious. I woke up in an ice-car. Who around here has that kind of magic?"

"Whoever did _that._" Emma replied as she gestured to a trail of ice in the middle of the street.

* * *

**Arendelle in the Past**

Snow continued to swirl around Elsa as she sat on a rock in the forrest, face buried in her lap, hugging her knees. Anna, although slowed by her fancy wedding dress, finally made it to her sister. "Oh, Elsa!" she sighed in relief. She made her way over to her sister slowly, seeing she was still upset. "Elsa?" she whispered.

"Please, just leave me alone," moaned Elsa, not moving.

"No. I'm not leaving you. You _were _alone, for 13 years. Now, I'm here for you, and I'm not leaving."

"Awww..." the audience exclaimed.

"Oh, shut up!"

Elsa finally lifted her head to face Anna, her blue eyes red from crying. "Thanks," she sniffled, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.

"It's true, though!" Anna insisted. "I'm going to be like your own, personal stalker! We're like the fox and the hound... inseparable! And even when I'm dead and gone, I'll still be with you in spirit!" She then proceeded to sing "You Are Not Alone" by Michael Jackson as she tried to sway Elsa side to side, attempting to dance with her sister, who was still sitting on the rock. The snow stopped.

"So... are you going to tell me what was in the diary?" the strawberry-blonde asked. Elsa stiffened again. She handed her sister the diary. "Our parents didn't leave on some political trip like they said," she explained. "Read it."

Anna opened the diary and read aloud, "_I'm sorry that we have to hide the truth from our children, but to tell them and have them face it without being all sensitive about it would just NOT be smart. What we've seen Elsa do is terrifying, and it must be stopped. We should probably bring the magical hover board just in case._.. Shiz University! We forgot to place the magical hover board in front of Dad's grave! Although, I did hear it was supposed to rain tonight... we wouldn't want it rusting..."

"They left because of me," Elsa choked out, about to cry again. "Because I thought I was a *bleep!*" Elsa looked confused. "Wait a minute... why does the broadcast censor the word '*bleep!*'?

"Oh, since the Duke of Weaseltown and Hans called you that when you froze everything, but it was totally untrue, I told ABC to censor it,' explained Anna. "If you have to say it, just say 'the or an m-word.' The audience will know what you mean... I hope."

"Okay... our parents left because they though I was an m-word." Elsa's eyes welled up with tears.

"No... no, I refuse to believe that."

"It's all right there."

"Is it? Because it doesn't say 'Our daughter is an m-word' anywhere in this diary."

"I read between the lines."

"Well, you read between the lines wrong! Come on, Elsa, you know you're not an m-word. You're past this; you are SO past this!"

"Exactly!" the audience agreed. Anna glared at them and continued to talk to her sister, "Anyway, all we need to do is find out where they were going and why. It must have been serious, if they were thinking about bringing the magical hover board... and I know just how!"

"Gather the 7 dragon balls and ask Shenron for the information?" suggested Elsa.

"I like your thinking, but no. I was thinking about doing something a little simpler."

"Like what?"

"Like visiting my future in-laws!"

* * *

**Back in Storybrooke**

Emma and Hook decided to follow the trail of ice in the street. Henry, unknowingly, followed close behind. His comment of "So I guess this can be Operation Polar Bear" startled his mother. "Henry, go back and stay with your grandparents," she ordered.

"I vote with the lad's code name," Hook said. "He's not a child anymore, Emma. He can come along on our little adventure."

Emma sighed. "Fine," the blonde gave in. "But stay close and don't come near me when my gun is out."

"Swan, must you use that thing on every single magical creature you encounter?"

"It's the only weapon I have."

"Other than magic and a superpower," Henry pointed out.

"Alright, fine. I'll handle the situation like a decent human being first, okay?"

Hook grinned. "Now that's the spirit," he noted.

Little did the three know, it was a decent human being that they were chasing. Elsa, sacred by the sound of fast approaching footsteps, began to run. She ignored the sign on the fence that read "DO NOT BLOCK: EVER!", ran through it, and hide behind something. Having seen her only go through the fence, Emma, Henry, and Hook followed close behind.

"It's okay, whoever you are!" shouted Henry. "We don't want to hurt you!" Elsa, despite this comforting statement, closed her eyes and breathed heavily. She was just so scared... she missed Anna, and she just wanted to go home. Her emotions caused her to burst into tears, and for snow to swirl around and form an ice mon- um... m-word... similar to the one that guarded her ice palace.

Upon seeing the m-word, Emma, Henry, and Hook stared open-mouthed. "Can I use my gun now?" asked Emma.

"Be my guest," Hook replied.


	4. The Guilt Trip

**So... am I the only one who found last week's episode a little... I don't know... I mean, I love that Emma and Hook finally got a date, but... I guess I was just expecting more Elsa. Let me tell you, though, Anna and Rumple made that episode happen. And speaking of... I can't believe Elsa and Anna's parents! They are total JFIs (Jerk-faced Idiots) **

**Sorry that this chapter is not as funny, but I wanted there to be some Elsa and Henry interaction. If they were the same age I would ship them so hard! Anyway, I hope you enjoy. **

**Arendelle in the Past**

Elsa and Anna made their way to the Valley of the Living Rocks. Along the way, they were singing a song that they had made up. Well, technically they made the lyrics up and used the tune from another widely-known song. They sang:

"_We're off to see the troll_

_The Wonderful Troll of Arendelle _

_And he can tell us why our parents' diary was vague._

'_Cause if the book was ever-so vague_

_The troll can tell us because_

_Because, because, because, because, because…" _The sisters' voices trailed off. They didn't really know why the troll could tell them.

"_Because he knows everything according to the plot and we just have to blindly follow it." _Elsa sang extremely quickly so that it sort of fit into that line. Anna shrugged. That was the closest they would ever get to the real answer, anyway.

The women didn't even finish their song when they found themselves at their destination. "Great!" Anna sighed excitedly. "We're here!"

"You sure you don't want to wait until after the wedding to do this?" asked Elsa.

"Please. How can I enjoy a wedding when my sister is feeling guilt-tripped? That would make me a horrible person, and I am NOT a horrible person." She turned and called out to the oldest troll. "Grand Pabbie?! Please come out!"

Soon, a moss-covered boulder rolled its way over to the sisters. But it was no boulder: the rock sprouted arms, legs, and a face. Yes, this is what trolls look like in the OUAT universe now.

"What did you wake me up for?" yawned Pabbie. "Is Elsa having trouble with her powers again? Three words: Love. Will. Thaw. Not hard."

"No, this isn't about me," Elsa answered, slightly offended. "It's about our parents."

"We want to know what they were really doing on that voyage," added Anna, handing the diary to the troll. He glanced over it.

"I can honestly say that I've looked at this for about two seconds, and I'm not getting anywhere," he replied.

"But you only looked at it for two seconds!" Anna argued. Elsa, however, just wanted to drop it and get out of there. She thanked Pabbie and grabbed the book back.

"You're just giving up?!" her sister exclaimed.

"Anna, he obviously doesn't know anything," replied Elsa calmly. "Just let it go."

"Hey, I can't let it go! YOU have to do that. All I can do is build snowmen and stuff chocolate in my face!"

Meanwhile, Pabbie had been fidgeting to himself, as if he were afraid to say something. He finally blurted out, "Okay! Okay! I know where your parents were going!" The sisters stopped arguing and turned to the troll.

"Really?" Anna asked. "Where?"

"Before their trip, they stopped by and asked me questions about a land called Misthaven. I told them there was an evil sorcerer named... well, I don't dare say it."

"Voldemort?"

"No, no he's worse than Voldemort. His name begins with an 'R', that's all I will say. I also warned your parents about an evil queen that lived in those parts that has the ability to rip out hearts and control people using the hearts. Although, I don't really think she's evil... I just think that she has hormonal problems, like Elsa."

"Hey!" exclaimed Elsa, this time _really _offended.

"Yeah, what the heck was that for?!" Anna asked, coming to her sister's defense.

"I'm sorry; I'm just stating a fact," apologized Pabbie. "Anyway, I warned them that it was dangerous to go there. They didn't tell me why they wanted to go, and they didn't heed my warning. They just took off on their magical hover board... and I never saw them since."

The sisters shared worried glances, and then looked back to the troll, who had turned himself back into a rock. "Oh come on!" yelled Anna. She sighed. "Well, at least we have an answer. And we know our parents are idiots..."

"We have more questions," argued Elsa. "And how could you say that about our parents?!"

"Because they ARE idiots... and losers... and anyway, _I _have an answer, _you _have more questions that we will find the answers to. We just have to go to Misthaven-"

"Did you not hear the old, wise troll? I'm the queen; I can't risk my life going to a land with evil sorcerers and hormonal queens and leave my people defenseless."

"Fine. You can stay here, and I'll go."

"No, you're staying here and having your wedding."

"The wedding can wait, Elsa. This-my family- can't."

"Awww..." the audience squealed.

"Will you shut up?!" Anna shouted. She turned to her sister and continued gently, "I can handle myself out there. It's a short journey. Just give me two weeks, and I'll be right back here, with you."

Elsa bit her lip. "That's just what Mother and Father said," she managed, almost crying.

The audience gasped. "Oh no she didn't," one audience member sassed.

Anna gave her sister a look. "Are you guilt-tripping me?" she asked incredulously. When Elsa sniffled and started to walk away, her sister continued to pursue her, "Seriously, do I really sound like Mom and Dad, or are you guilt-tripping me? Actually, technically I'm guilt-tripping you by sounding like our parents... ok, I'm just going to stop talking now before you get any more PMFs..."

* * *

**Storybrooke**

"Hey, Frosty!" Emma shouted at the vicious snowman, pointing her gun at it. "How do you feel about not killing us?"

"Swan, you're being serious right now?" asked Hook.

"I just want to see what it wants."

"Maybe it's hungry," Henry suggested. He took out an Apollo chocolate bar. "Do you want this?" he asked the m-word, throwing the candy at him. However, the m-word took this the wrong way and roared at everyone. It also grew ice spikes on its back and legs.

"Great job, Henry," whispered Emma sarcastically.

"Like you could've done better," her son whispered back. With another roar, the m-word stomped after Emma and Hook, who ran away to warn everyone. Henry managed to duck under its legs and stayed put, too shocked to move. As he was about to follow his mother and her... um... I guess Hook was technically her boyfriend now... down the street, he began to hear crying.

"Hello?" Henry called. He followed the sound until he found Elsa, sobbing, her face buried in her hands. "Hey," he spoke softly, which startled the woman. "Hey, it's alright..." Before he could even ask her name, Elsa bolted off.

"Really?!" the boy muttered under his breath, stealing his mother's line. He decided he'd have to go after the woman before she got herself into any more trouble.

* * *

**Arendelle in the Past**

Once the sisters got to the castle, they found Kristoff talking to Kai. He turned at the opening of the door. "Hey, how was-?" he started to ask, but Elsa stormed directly past him. Anna was trying desperately to catch up.

"Ooh, this must be a deleted scene!" the audience exclaimed.

"She's upset," she stated to Kristoff.

"No, I couldn't possibly figure _that _out," her fiancé said sarcastically. "Why?" Anna started to explain the discovery of the diary, and the incident with the troll. "And she won't let me to go this Misthaven place." she concluded, the both of them now at Elsa's bedroom door.

Anna knocked. "Elsa?" she whispered. "Elsa, please..."

"Anna, not now," Elsa moaned.

"No, you need to hear this. How many times do I have to say it?! I'm not going to do anything that would hurt you."

"If you go on that journey... and if you don't come back... then you left because of me... _died _because of me... that would hurt me more than anything."

Anna was silent for a minute. "I understand," she said softly. Then she came to her senses. "Wait a minute... now you're guilt-tripping both of us! Oh, this is SO not over!" She stormed down the stairs.

Kristoff sighed and knocked. "Elsa, just give her some time, okay?" he told her before leaving.

He followed his fiancée down the stairs. "Anna, you have problems," he stated.

"_I _have problems?!" she yelled. "I'm leaving; I don't care if she forbids me! But... if she asks about me tomorrow, tell her I went to get frosting okay?"

"Anna, I-"

"Promise. I need to help her. I love her..." Kristoff sighed. "Fine," he gave in. "I'll stall her."

Anna kissed him on the lips. "Thanks," she grinned.

* * *

**Storybrooke**

Emma and Hook ran down the street, the m-word not too far behind. They had to warn everyone. "Wait... Henry?!" Emma called. "Henry?! Where are you?!"

"He'll be fine!" Hook shouted over the m-word's stomps and roars. He took Emma's hand and dragged her along as they ran. It turns out, they didn't need to warn the town: all of Storybrooke was screaming and running away from the m-word. There were a lot of *bleep!*s going off; whether the residents were swearing with fear or just screaming the m-word at the top of their lungs.

If they _were _screaming the m-word, it couldn't have done Elsa any good. She was still frightened, and she still missed Anna. And on top of that, she was running from this random boy who wanted to talk to her for some reason. Maybe he just wanted to help...

_After I just set a *bleep*... wow, it even censors in my thoughts?... after I set an m-word on him?! _thought Elsa. _No way_!

"Please!" Henry yelled after her. "I just want to help!"

_Yeah right._

"Come on! Just give me a chance!"

_Not when you and everyone else in this town thinks I'm an m-word. _Soon, Elsa reached a dead end, allowing Henry to catch up. "How many times do I have to say it?!" the boy panted upon finally stopping. "I'm not going to do anything that would hurt you..."

Elsa tensed. Anna... she'd said the same thing before she left. The woman turned around to face the boy. His brown eyes seemed friendly enough. "It's okay," he said softly. "My name is Henry. It's nice to meet you... um..."

"Elsa," spoke Elsa.

"Elsa..." Henry smiled. "I like that name."

**So, did you like that delete scene? Oh, and please enjoy tonight's episode! I can't wait! (though I saw a sneak peak, and I don't know whose idea it was to leave Elsa alone in Emma's car... in the woods... in the middle of the night...)**


	5. Roasted Marshmallow

**Hi, everyone! I know I didn't update last week; sorry. I was still a little shaken from the last episode. I'm not the biggest Belle fan right now...**

**Anyway, please enjoy! I made it funny this time, even with the Elsa and Henry fluff. :)**

Emma, Hook, Mary Margret, David, and Neal (the baby, not... you know...) fled to the forest of Storybrooke, where Robin Hood and his Merry Men had set up camp. The m-word was hot on their trail. Upon hearing the commotion, Robin exited his tent and gasped. "What in the world-?" he was beginning to say when Emma interrupted.

"Get Marian, Roland, and my brother out, now!" she ordered. She pulled out her gun, aimed at the m-word, and fired several times. Mary Margret, after handing Neal to Robin, came to her daughter's aid by firing her bow and arrows. David, as usual, had his sword and sliced the m-word's leg. Hook attempted to hack at it with his... well, hook. Even so, this did not phase it.

It wasn't until Emma decided to put the gun down and use her magic that some serious damage was done! "Take that!" she laughed breathlessly. Hook smiled at her affectionately. "Well done, Swan," he complimented. Unfortunately, this made the m-word even angrier.

"Never mind," Hook added, taking the compliment back.

* * *

**Wherever Elsa and Henry Are Right Now**

After talking to Henry for a little while, Elsa felt a lot better. She understood that Henry wasn't going to hurt her, and that he would try to help with everything. "Since I know I can trust you, I should probably tell you something," she began.

"What is it?" Henry asked, concerned. From talking to Elsa, Henry knew the snow m-word was an accident, that Elsa was just lost control of her powers; she wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose. He knew she was alone and scared, and that he needed to help.

"My sister, Anna... I can't find her anywhere," Elsa explained worriedly. "Is there any place I can go that could give me a clue?"

"You mean... you still haven't found each other after the second curse?" inquired Henry.

"Second curse?"

"Wait a minute... you're not from the Enchanted Forest, are you?"

"No. My sister and I are from a land called Arendelle. But we weren't far away from this Enchanted Forest place."

"Okay... well, luckily, I have some pretty powerful sorcerers in my family. My grandpa owns a pawnshop with magical objects and things that once belonged to people. You might find something of your sister's there."

"Great! Could you take me there now?!"

"Um... we might want to solve this m-word thing first."

"Right... of course..." Henry took Elsa's hand and lead her onto the sidewalk, where people were still running and panicking. "I have to find my mom," he explained. He looked at Elsa's shoes. "You sure you can keep up with me in heels?" he smiled.

"You'd be surprised," Elsa grinned back. The two ran down the street and towards the forest.

* * *

**The Forest**

Now the snow m-word had been officially ticked off. With one swipe, he knocked over Emma and Mary Margret. This led David and Hook to charge in a rage, only they ran into a similar problem. Seeing the woman who saved her from Regina go down, Marian also became ticked and pulled out a bow and arrow. "COME AT ME, BRO!" she shouted at the m-word.

"Since when were you a BA archer?!" Robin exclaimed.

"Since you married me! And since watching _Brave_..."

Robin whistled. Maybe he should rethink this divorce thing. But as soon as the snow m-word knocked down Marian as well, he did not regret his decision.

Jut as Marian was about to get stomped on, however, a fireball collided with the m-word. It roared pathetically and melted to death.

The fireball had come from Regina. She smiled as the monster was defeated, knowing that she had saved her town. She began to sing "Girl On Fire" by Alicia Keys, but she sang so badly that everyone had woken from unconsciousness to tell her to shut up.

Well, everyone except Emma. She was the one chewing everyone out for insulting Regina. After the blonde's rant, she looked at the mayor and smiled. They both knew things were okay between them.

After the semi-Swan Queen moment, Elsa and Henry arrived on the scene. "Mom!" Henry cried, rushing into both of his mother's arms. Elsa smiled sadly... she'd give anything to hug her mother again... even if she WAS an idiot.

Emma looked over her son's shoulder to Elsa. "You're not the one who sent this m-word after us, are you?" she asked her.

"I... I-I..." Elsa stammered, suddenly feeling scared again.

"I'll take that as a yes," Regina cut in, a ball of fire hovering over her palm. Seeing the flames, Elsa's eyes grew wide, and the air grew cold. Everyone else drew their weapons, not knowing they were only making Elsa's powers manifest into a blizzard swirling around her.

"STOP IT!" Henry shouted. "You're scaring her!"

"Yeah, that's kind of the point," David replied.

"Henry, get back!" ordered Emma.

"You don't get it! The m-word was an accident! She's on our side!" the boy called over the clueless adults. Just as David was about to bring down his sword, and Elsa's powers were about to let loose beyond control, Henry shoved himself between the two. "Get back, Henry!" shouted David. "She's dangerous!"

"No, she's not!" He reached behind him and finally, once Elsa got the message, linked hands with her. The blizzard stopped when Henry's hand found Elsa's. The woman just stood staring at the weapons, heart pounding, but she found some assurance in the boy's grip as he addressed his family, "See? Not dangerous. I mean, her hands are pretty darn cold... no offense."

"None taken," Elsa managed shakily.

"But she is not dangerous. I get if you don't believe me, but if you want to hurt her, you'll have to go through me first."

Hook made the first move when he lowered his arm with the hook on it. Everyone stared at him. "What?" he shrugged. "He's the truest believer. I'm convinced."

"Thank you!" Henry exclaimed. Emma lowered her gun and put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "I remember what happened the times we didn't listen to Henry," she told her parents and Regina. "You do too. So I'm listening now."

Mary Margret dropped her bow. That left David and Regina. "Want to Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who's the last to stand down?" the former asked.

"Nope," Regina answered, extinguishing the flame.

"Dang it!" David finally dropped his sword. The audience cheered. "They are really getting on my nerves," muttered Regina.

"I know the feeling," Elsa commented. "Anna used to get mad when they..." Her voice trailed off. Henry, who still didn't let go of her hand, squeezed even tighter. "Don't worry. We'll find her." he whispered.

"Who the bloody hell is Anna?" asked Hook. "Another m-word you create when you're in frightening fairytale communities?"

"If we weren't dating, I'd slap you." Emma whispered. Hook pointed to his cheek. "Go ahead, Swan."

"Anna is her sister," Henry explained, ignoring his mother and her boyfriend's antics. "The got separated, but not from any of the curses. (She's not from the Enchanted Forest) I thought we could find something of Anna's in Gold's shop."

"Well then, what are we waiting for?" David asked.

"For someone to get her baby back," Mary Margret replied.

"Oh... right... you go get Neal from wherever he and Robin Hood are, and we'll head to Gold's shop, okay?"

"Okay." The two kissed. Everyone else looked away.


	6. The End? Come ON!

**So... I'm not the only one who wanted to physically harm Gerda the last episode, right? And the episode broke my m-word censor. But I really loved it. Helga kind of reminded me of myself; the things she said to Ingrid were like what I would've said to Elsa. Maybe that's why I was angry when she died... and the fact that instead of freezing in 3 hours, she froze in 3 seconds. **

**Anyway, this is the final chapter. I hope you all enjoyed the story! Thank you to those who followed, favorite, and/or reviewed. Enjoy!**

**PS: Spoilers for my fanfiction _Big Sister._ Just a heads up. **

**Arendelle in the Past**

So far, Kristoff's day had not gone well. He tried the frosting excuse Anna told him to use on Elsa if she came looking for her. Well, needless to say, it didn't work.

Elsa forced the truth out of Kristoff. (and by forced the truth, the narrator just meant that she stared at him for so long that he cracked under pressure) As soon as she realized her sister had disobeyed her and gone to that "Misthaven," or whatever the heck it was, place, she stormed off in the direction of the fjord. Kristoff followed her, which wasn't hard because of the ice that trailed behind her whenever she was angry.

But when Elsa finally arrived, it was too late. Anna's ship already left. "*BLEEP!*" was all that came out of Elsa's mouth as she stomped her foot, creating a circle of ice around her. Kristoff, having finally caught up with her, slipped on the ice and fell on his behind. However, that didn't stop him from getting back up and grabbing hold of Elsa's arms before she started across the fjord.

"Let's think about this," the blonde man began. "Are you really going to freeze the whole fjord _again _just to get to your sister?"

"Yes!" Elsa grunted, trying to escape his grip.

"Wow, you are not yourself at _all _when Anna is involved; do you know that?!"

"Sort of! Kristoff, let me go!"

"Nope. Not until you clam down."

"I CAN'T calm down! My sister is out there! She could get hurt!"

"You think I didn't try to stop her?!" Elsa stopped struggling for a minute to catch her breath and look at Kristoff. "She didn't listen to you, either?" she asked.

"Nope," replied Kristoff. "Elsa, she wanted to do this for you. She loves you... and she'll always risk everything for you. As long as your happiness is on the line, Anna will fight... she'll survive anything... and she _will _come back."

Elsa exhaled, her breath trembling. "I guess you're right..." she gave in. "But I can't help worrying... I don't know anything about this Misthaven."

"You might know it better by another name," Kristoff informed.

"And what's that?"

"The Enchanted Forest."

* * *

**On the Boat**

"Princess Anna?" a servant addressed, but the princess put her hand up. "Not right now, Olga," Anna stated. "Some serious stuff is going on... I don't know why Julie has future powers now..."

"Julie, Your Highness? What-? Oh..." The servant just realized that Anna was reading a _Frozen _fanfiction on her iPhone. It was called _Big Sister_, by Eriphabottackson.

Anna's eyes widened. "Wait a minute..." she muttered. She became speechless.

"Your Highness?" the servant started tentatively, before Anna slammed her iPhone on the ground, screaming "_WHAT_?!"

Anna started to hyperventilate, and she gratefully took the paper bag offered to her by the servant to breathe in and out of. "What happened, Your Highness?" the servant asked.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" the princess shouted between breaths into the paper bag. "THE AUTHOR MADE ME ALL ATTATCHED TO A SISTER I DON'T EVEN HAVE, AND THEN SHE _DIES_?! WHAT THE OZ WAS THAT FOR?!"

Once Anna had FINALLY calmed herself, she held her snowflake necklace Elsa had made her in her hand. "It's alright, Elsa," she whispered. "I'll find out everything for you. You'll see our parents didn't think you were an m-word. They were just helping you, was all. I promise I'll come back... and that I'll have a serious chat with the author of that fanfiction."

* * *

**The Mayor's Mansion; Storybrooke**

"Hey!" exclaimed Elsa. "The pawn shop is the other way!"

"I know that, Mrs. Frosty," Emma sassed. (Henry gave her a dirty look.) "We just need to take care of something first."

Regina unlocked the door to her mansion and opened. The house was full of people, lights, and music coming from a DJ that was hired. "Um, excuse me, everyone," Regina tried to address everyone, but the music was too loud. "Excuse me!"

"OMG, ONE DIRECTION IS SO CUTE!" Emma screamed, and everyone shut up.

"Thank you, Swan," thanked Regina. "Anyway, the party will have to wait a little bit. As you know, we defeated the snow m-word that rampaged in town. However, that was only because the creator was frightened and felt the need to protect herself. I just came to say that this will hopefully no longer be an issue. The party will resume after we get this situation taken care of."

Although everyone was all bummed out, one woman, Sarah Fisher, suggested, "How about everyone comes to my ice cream shop, and you get a free cone?"

"SURE!" everyone agreed enthusiastically, nodding.

And with that, totally not noticing the real enemy for the next ten episodes, the heroes left.

* * *

**Mr. Gold's Pawn Shop**

"I still don't understand how you knew how to pick a lock," David told his daughter, opening the door.

"Neal taught me a few things," shrugged Emma in reply.

"The baby?" Elsa asked, confused.

"No, the person he was named after," Henry answered. "He was named after my father."

"So you're dad and your uncle on your mother's side are both named Neal?"

"No one said their family wasn't complicated," Hook muttered. Elsa started skimming a couple of the shelves, and then spun around. Something had caught her eye, which made her grin.

"What?" Regina asked her, and she rushed over to the desk where the platinum blonde was. Elsa reached out a shaky hand and stroked a snowflake-shaped necklace that was on display. "This was Anna's," she explained to the heroes, tears in her eyes. "I made it for her..."

Henry walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. "Was she wearing it the last time you saw her?"

"Well... I don't remember..." Elsa took a deep breath, scooping the necklace into her hands. She held it up in front of her so that she was eye-level with the snowflake. "Don't worry, Anna... I _will _find you," she vowed.

One by one, Henry, Emma, Hook, David, and Regina smiled at her. Elsa added, as if to strengthen her vow, "I will _always_ find you.."

"Hey, you stole my line!" David pouted. Everyone laughed, and even Elsa smiled.

**The End.**

**So, what did you guys think? Reviews are always appreciated. And enjoy tonight's episode!**


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